I got it yesterday!! Behold the tangible form of my frustration, doubts, tears and hardwork for the first three terms of school. Despite the moment being so simple (i literally just gave my id and waited for a few moments until the guy handed it to me. )), I was very enthralled. Awarding ceremony songs started playing in my head and I was sooo close to shaking the guy's hand and taking a bow. Oops. Didnt open it until I got home later that night. My stomach was filled with butterflies upon seeing it!! (I shouldve been studying for my written exam but instead I took selfies. Priorities!)And of course, like the biggest extra™ that I am, I gave an impromptu speech on the mirror. Haha! It was playful, but as the words came out, I realised how sincere they were.

There were so many times that I honestly wanted to quit and my parents were well aware of that. Frustrations and what ifs and thoughts of not being where I was supposed to be were eating me alive. Not to mention the thought of wasting my parents' hard earned money in something I wasnt really sure I wanted to do. It wasnt the course, or my school, because I was head over heels with Benilde and I couldnt see myself in another industry. I guess everyone experiences that from time to time, questioning everything and being afraid youre running out of time. I was determined to stop that they had to literally beg me to stay in school. 

I guess the fact that my first subjects where foundations and it was all traditional that got me really frustrated. I used to go home and run straight to my mom's lap to cry. Haha I felt so little.. 

But then my friends has been in the picture since day one and I took refuge in their company. Theyve made the whole journey not only bearable, but so much fun. Who doesnt like having people who's always there to encourage and help you? There has never been a dull moment, really. Im often left wondering how the frick did I get so lucky.. I started enjoying horror movies and Ive mastered the art of falling in love because theyre such beautiful people. It's not everyday that you find people who share the same passion and sense of adventure as you, people who drives you to be better and supports you alllllll the way. Gosh I miss being in the same classroom as them!

My mom always went along with me on the first few weeks because I was so scared of using public transport alone. Being in big crowd used to freak me out. Im much better at that now. People always ask me whether or not I get scared. I always tell them no, because if I let myself be scared, I wouldnt be able to do anything or go anywhere and be.. more. Fear can sometimes be so paralyzing and I wouldnt enjoy the things I do now if I continued to let it stop me. And I realised that despite negative news lately, most of the time its just in my mind. Taft started feeling more like home and it's a delight saying 'good morning' to my busy city whenever I go off my ride every morning. 

Im also grateful for the eyes that feel completely new. Im still surprised whenever I catch myself staring at a promo poster's graphics or looking at the menu way too long because of its design. A movie's composition and colour grading make me overlook its bad plot. I find pleasure in looking at different patterns, even if its just the bus seats. I dont find TV commercials as annoying because Im in awe of the graphics and editing. I just started seeing the world much differently and I think it takes being a romantic or an artist to see light despite the hussle and bustle of everyday. (you're doomed if youre both though, goodluck))

I was in a shoot the other day and I kept talking about how the gloomy weather made the scenery seem like it's from a movie. I wouldnt shut up about it that the model joked "I really can't see what youre seeing. I dont have designer eyes." Haha! Later that day though when he was looking at the photos, he went "Oh I see it now! The colours are indeed pretty." Told you!!!!!!!

From time to time I still wonder what would have happened if I chose another course or went to a different school but the more I think about it the more I realise that I am very happy with where I am and who I am today. I think 10 year old Nikki would be so proud of me. And I still feel so naive remembering how I thought of leaving school. Sure, it made sense during those times but heck! Im really enjoying it now and Im enlightened that being able to study, let alone in such a pretty school (I swear SDA is so dreamy!!!!) is such a huge privilege. I should always be grateful for the opportunity. Which I am! Very much so.

Im on my second year now, in a much better place and with a better disposition than a year ago and Im so happy I get to do what I do. I promise Ill never take anything for granted. This posts sounds like a graduation speech already wow I manage to make everything a big deal but ya!!! I just want my enemies to know Im good. JK I DONT have enemies nor do I want one pls rip

Im going to end this here. Thank you for reading. See you tomorrow?