Im not denying the fact that Im one of the most indecisive people out there.

The other day I texted my friend Andrea and asked her if we could meet earlier for our weekly church thing session. I badly needed to confide in someone and even I was surprised that I literally asked her. Ive never really been one to talk about what's going on inside my head. I found more comfort in writing but I dont know what made that day so different from the rest.
I was at the office alone. Contemplating about the next day. A consuming feeling of pressure took over me, knowing Im at a crucial stage where every single decision I make will have affect greatly on my future. I knew what I want. I knew I wanted so many things and that didnt help. It only made me confused I was crying before I could even stop the tears. Thank heavens I was alone!

It was very different having someone listen to my anguish, let alone have them watch you cry over things you deem petty. Saying it out loud was therapeutic on its own. I was so used to putting everything on paper but there were so much more that I wanted to say that I couldnt fathom into written words when I tried journaling earlier that day. I wish I have recorded it. Maybe I would understand myself better. But then those words, those emotions, theyre not mine anymore. The moment they escaped my lips, they belonged to the world. I didnt feel them weighing me down anymore and I felt so light. Allowing myself to be weak and vulnerable remains one of the bravest thing Ive ever done.

The things I was speaking of were also foreign to me until I heard myself say them out loud. I realised that Ive always known what to do, it was just the fear and pressure that was holding me back. The mere fact that she was there to listen was more than enough and I didnt really expect her to say anything but Andrea shared her story thats similar to mine and I know we all have it on the back of our minds but knowing you are not alone instills courage. She spoke of God's word that made me sob in public, quite embarassingly, but they were what I needed.

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

He's in control.
I honor where I am and who I am today.
I trust my heart. I am where I need to be.








ps. we laughed so much after that when I told her "It's alright that Im crying now. Im seeing Shawn Mendes tomorrow. Im gonna get the most out of this feeling."