Hello. Im writing this at the dorm. It all feels surreal! Am I dreaming? Im so grateful I get to live here in the city. Just saying that gives me butterflies all over. So I just finished setting up my things. Fortunately I was able to do that before anyone comes in. I should get hangers soon because the cabinets do not have dividers. Although right now I am alone, I have to get used to not having my privacy all the time and a small bed. Really shouldve brought my mirror but that’s okay! I thought I was over packing but looking at my empty desk now, it’s all good. I have just everything I need. When I parted ways with Tita, KC, and Yana, it hit me. I am alone. This is my first window to what it’s like to live alone. So cute because it’s like being in a relationship with the city— I got to spend time to get used to each other first for a few years and now we're moving in together! I sure grew alot. And learned alot in commuting everyday. 

The I.T. is off today so Ill only get wifi tomorrow. I have yet to meet my roommates! Im excited. New friends I hope. Their desks are full of sentimental stuff and I kind of feel at home with them already. I get the top bed and maybe that’s a good thing. Privacy, I guess and surely no one would step on my bed. I brought darling too! Although Fish was left at home. 

This is really a new adventure for me. My life changes. Im far away from my comfort zone, and they say that that’s where life starts. 2017 had so much instore for me. My city, thank you for embracing me, for letting me make a home out of you. I promise I wont take anything for granted and that it will all be for the better. Starting today, I get to use my commute time for more productive tasks.

Night one

It’s 5:02 am. Ive been awake for an hour now. I figured out how to work the microwave so I could heat water for my morning tea, that’s a great start. The sun isnt up yet. My roommates are all still sleeping and my only light source is my laptop because I didnt want to bother them. I sure miss my yellow light. I think Ill have to bring it here, but then I want something to look forward to back home. I figured even though I had to leave so much, I still have my mornings. Im the only one awake and it feels nice to be alone but at the same time, have company.

I think the kitchen is officially my favorite. I mean I woke up, stumbling in the dark, and then I went to the kitchen. The interior of this apartment makes the kitchen and bathroom apart from the bedroom and I like it that way.

I forgot my slippers. The floor is cold. Sleeping in a smaller bed wasnt so bad. Here’s what my to do list looks like:

The original plan was to wake up at 4 today. Do homework and then do yoga or go to the gym but voila, it’s almost 8am. I got home so exhausted last night so I just went straight to the shower where I spent 20 mins relishing in the hot water. Why is it so cold in school? 

Im currently having breakfast. I microwaved yesterday’s bread and although it’s so good, I really crave some garlic bread. I just need a knife1!!! It’s just me now and Lily. I have officially met all of them yesterday. When I came back from my walk, someone has already left, one is still sleeping and the other was preparing for her class. We said “Hi.” and she asked me, “What’s your name again?” Her name was Mia. She’s the architecture student on the right side of my desk. 

The other one woke up just as I was getting ready for school. This time, I took the initiative to ask for her name. I then went to school to work on my assignments because I still am not connected to the wifi here. Hopefully Ill get it fixed today. 

The last one I met when I came back to drop my laptop for a bit before my classes. It was Lily. She’s the only one who I exchanged more than names with. I found out we are taking the same course but Im senior to her despite her being a year older. She finished high school in another country. Mia and Cara spent the last two nights working on the floor while Lily works on her desk. 

Yesterday, too, I noticed one thing we all have in common- the Bible. We all keep it on the second shelf of our desks and I couldnt help but be grateful that God has put me here with these people. Im wondering how would I be if I was on the other room? I cant imagine having to deal with smoke. Id rather deal with dishes left in the sink. (And that’s my biggest pet peeve) I still have yet to get used to not having everything tidied up. My desk is so empty I cant believe it’s mine. Haha! 

Our building is on the quieter side of this area but there are still the occasional honking of redheaded drivers. Ill never get it. Honking is almost never necessary. I guess I cant complain too because even I have to improve my patience. When I come back home, Ill bring Fish here. 

Cara just woke up. I can never write when someone’s around. Ill talk to you later.

Friday night and I have the whole place to myself. How dreamy is that?! But really, theyre probably out to eat or something while Im watching a movie being a burrito in bed. Haha! Im very tired. But Im telling you, today was one for the books. Life just really keeps on surprising me. It's so so so so comforting and empowering to know that the universe has got my back.

I got free dinner as well! On Friday nights we have our photo meeting but today I was late so to make up, I volunteered to shoot the last minute assignment. It's an event for the basketball team so there!! Id always volunteer if it means free food. Haha!

Looking forward to going home tomorrow after our village immersion! 

I have the whole place to myself!!!! I feel like a dog whos got out of her leash. I want to do so many things I cant decide which to do first! My roommates already went home for the long weekend. I just read my bible. The windows are open by the way and I love the weather. It’s been raining hence the cold. Do I shower first? I want do dance! I took pictures of the place and my view from the outside. I wanna get breakfast too. 

The light coming in is so pretty. Ive lost count on how many times Ive said “Im in love.” Thursday nights and Friday mornings look promising. [it was Friday nights and Saturday mornings lol] Im just really happy. Ive missed dancing in just my shirt!

Today I go home for the long weekend and Im honestly excited! I miss my dogs so much!

12 June 2017, Monday

Hello. Im home. Im home. That feels so weird to say. To write, I guess. To be honest I do not know how to feel. For sure, I am happy to be here with my little cousins and spend time with my dogs. Ive missed sleeping naked and dancing around and gosh, the homecooked meals! Who knew that getting rice straight from the rice cooker could be such an experience?

Despite all that, Im not quite certain how to describe how I feel.

I used to like having the whole house to myself so it feels weird that I feel kind of bad. The house looks sad, I can tell. My sister is at my aunt's house and my brother is on a sleepover. Nothing really changed but it looks so empty I cant explain it. I spent most of my time yesterday cleaning it, fixing their wardrobe and basically revamping the whole kitchen until midnight. I can go crazy with the dishes because it is a very therapeutic process for me!

I thought I was all good. I was so excited. But being here, Im constantly thinking of taft. Perhaps it's just the upcoming midterms week and the tasks awaiting me there. and the things I still need for the place and just planning my days ahead.

It's been making me ponder on the concept of home. What makes up a home?  What makes a place home, for me at least? I used to say home is a feeling and that I always carry it with me. Although it's true to a certain sense, I cant help but wonder. Right now I feel like Im in a state where I dont have a home. Of course, it should feel home here because it's what Im used to. But having most of my stuff and the half of my life back in Taft, it makes me feel like a traveler. But at the same time, when I was there, I was so looking forward to this. Where do I belong? Maybe I just got shocked because this wasnt what I expected. Maybe Im over thinking again. Maybe I'll get used to this soon. I thought Ive adjusted but Im still so naive. So lost.

Home is where I lay my head. Home doesnt have four walls. I seem to not mind at all whenever Im in my own bubble, just writing. Or creating something on my laptop. I came here with two massive bags. One full of laundry while the other holds everything I need- laptop, camera, my journals, hard drives. I guess that's what home is. Sounds so shallow that my comfort lies in such tangible things. But they represent so much more. They are what connects me to the world, they are what opens me up to possibilities, they represent my art, my passion and sense of self.

I guess it's sweet that I have my home here with me. It makes me feel like a turtle! It has its home on its back, just like me, with this big backpack. Im a sea turtle, at home everywhere.